Things I Need to Accomplish Today:
- Report for VP of Department
- Updating various HRIM systems
- Call multitude of insurance carriers about plethora of issues
- Sort through 2586 emails
- Bullshit committee meeting (the committee is bullshit…we don’t meet to discuss actual bovine feces)
- 3 Conference Calls
- General work related nonsense
- 7PM Yoga class
- Clean my house
Things I Have Actually Accomplished Today:
- Woke up exactly 7 minutes before I was supposed to be out the door and on my way to work.
- Managed to pin back unwashed bangs in a way that makes me look like a Klingon, but at least keeps unwashed/unstyled bangs out of my face.
- Spilled copious amounts of coffee onto my notes for the report I’m working on rendering them totally unusable.
- Lost my car keys (later located in copy room because I apparently think I can drive the Xerox machine).
- Ate an avocado
- Realized that I had also spilled coffee all over my shirt. It only took me 2 hours after the coffee spillage to notice this.
- Laughed for 10 minutes at an email requesting that we recruit and hire someone with experience with the American Burying Beatle
- Spent 20 minutes on the internet figuring out what the hell an American Burying Beatle is.
- Googled “Holy hell my child will not stop screaming because he has the Teeth of Satan and they are trying to kill him”.
- Learned “Scotch” is not an approved teething remedy.
- Fell down the stairs because our elevators are not working and my shoes are pointy.
- Ate some flaxseed crackers.
- Responded to approximately 6 of the 2586 emails in my inbox.
- Typed up terribly witty and hilarious yet thought provoking blog entry.
- Accidently deleted terribly witty and hilarious yet thought provoking blog entry.
- Quickly typed up total bullshit blog entry.
I think it’s fairly safe to assume that 7PM yoga class will be happening without me and that my house will likely be condemned before I actually get around to cleaning it.
Send help/maids/vodka/teething remedy that actually works, STAT, please.
Advertisement
