Crab Fishing Hermit

Our Administrative Assistant is a lovely, albeit slightly insane women in her 60’s who has giant Texas hair, likes to talk about Jesus a lot and once, I had to but her boobs back into her tank top when she got really drunk at a company function.  She also keeps asking me if I know any men that I can fix her up with, because apparently I look like I keep the names and phone numbers for random single men in their 60’s in my rolodex.

 

Our Marketing Manager is a guy in his early 30’s from a tiny town in Louisiana. He’s a really nice, pretty mild mannered guy.  This is all important to keep in mind while I’m relaying the actual conversation that is going on outside my office at this very moment.

 

Administrative Assistant: Don’t you have any single uncles or a grandfather or something that you can fix me up with?

 

Marketing Manager:  I only have one uncle who is single, but he’s a hermit who lives in the swamp.  He has a Ph.D. and he used to be a professor, but now he got tired of that and now he’s a crab fishing hermit. (note: it was the words “crab fishing hermit” that had me laughing so hard I almost pissed myself)

 

AA: You should invite him to Houston so I can meet him.

 

MM: He’s a hermit.  He won’t come to Houston and I’m not sure if he even has a phone.

 

AA: Well maybe we can drive out to Louisiana one day and I can meet him.  Why is he still single?  You know…I have to take two Xanax before I can go on long car rides.

MM:(with a puzzled, almost terrified look on is face)  Okaaaayy. 

 

This is where I closed my office door, sat on the floor and laughed so hard that diet coke came out of my nose.  WHY IS HE SINGLE?!?!?!  I’m thinking that the fact that he’s a CRAB FISHING HERMIT WHO LIVES IN A SWAMP might possibly have something to do with it.