This Weekend Brought to you by the Letter V

So yeah…I pretty much spent this weekend in a Vicodin induced coma thanks entirely to the Knee of Doom.  And while not being able to get up to do something as simple as get a damn diet coke out of the fridge sucks ass, being waited on hand and foot is not the worst thing in the world. 

 

Oddly enough, however, my coworkers are not responding to my screaming for coffee by dropping whatever they happen to be doing at that moment and bringing me some damn coffee.  This is bad, because I have discovered that hobbling down the hall on crutches and attempting to bring coffee back to my office is not just impossible, but also results in 3^rd degree burns.  It is far harder than it seems to grip the Styrofoam coffee cup full o’ coffee with your teeth while using your hands to maneuver the freaking crutches.  This also results in massive coffee stains down the front of your shirt, on your pants and also a large stain on the carpet in front of the break room.

 

Another fun fact that has been discovered thanks to the Knee of Doom?  Every single pair of pants that I own have been tailored to be worn with heels, resulting in this pooling of excess pants material down by my feet since I am wearing flats.  Yes, you heard me correctly…I, Claudia Michele, am WEARING FLATS.  The shame and embarrassment is indescribable; may the baby jesus, Jimmy Choo and Manolo Blahnik forgive me.

 

Oh…and the “daytime” pain pills can totally fuck off, because they don’t work for shit and by the way….OUCH!  Now…someone please bring me some Vicodin….and some coffee.