Grr.

 have been asked by no less that five people in the past week the one question that’s guaranteed to make me take that little cocktail stick that holds the olives in my martini out and stab you in the neck with it.  The question?  “When are you finally going to have children?!?!”. 

Let me just go ahead and get my response out of the way before I start ranting, foaming at the mouth and/or calling my doctor to up the dosage on the Crazy Pills.  “My Uterus = My Business…STAY THE FUCK OUT OF IT!!!”

I honestly don’t understand this obsession with procreation.  Specifically, I really don’t understand other peoples obsession with my decision to procreate.  What the fuck?!?  I just looove getting these bizarre looks from my in-laws and their friends as they wonder what the hell is wrong with me and why don’t I have a dozen small kids running around.  Well, first of all, if they are going to grow up anything like your snot faced heathen brats, then perhaps I’ll just adopt another dog instead.  At least when the dog pees on the carpet I can lock him in his kennel…apparently the authorities frown on doing that to actual children, although I can think of several children that deserve this punishment far more than Max the Wonder Puppy ever has.

I was told this week, in no uncertain terms, that I was to produce a grandchild this year and that anything other than the production of said grandchild was completely  unacceptable.  When I pointed out the fact that having Lupus tends to make that a little difficult for some people I was informed that this makes no difference and that I “must” have a child this year and that having Lupus was “just an excuse”.

Um….EXCUSE THE FUCK OUT OF ME?!?!

First of all, there’s not a whole hell of a lot I can do about having Lupus.  If there were, don’t you think I would have done it by now?  I don’t continue to deal with this disease because it’s fun, I continue to deal with it because I have no choices except to deal with it.  I’m sorry if this is inconvenient for you and I realize that I shouldn’t expect anything as decent as say…compassion from you, but believe me it’s not exactly something I enjoy.  I spent at least a couple of seconds, every single day of my life wishing that I could wake up the next day and not have Lupus and fuck you for saying that I use it as an “excuse”. 

Secondly, I have a news flash for you people.  Just because I am female does not mean that my life is somehow incomplete because I don’t have kids.  I have a career that I love, great friends, an insane but wonderful family, interests, hobbies, volunteerism…ya know…a life!  Yet somehow, there are certain people who think that my sole purpose in life should be to stay home, make babies and bake stuff.  Yeah…that’s not going to happen and I resent the implication that I’m somehow defective because this is not the only thing I want out of life. 

I’m not saying that I don’t want to have kids.  Sure, I would like to have a child one of these days and truth be told, it’ll probably be sooner rather than later, but I fail to see where this is any of anyone’s business!  Newsflash people:  This DOES NOT INVOLVE YOU!!!  Stay the hell out of it and stop badgering me with you insensitive, irrational, overly inquisitive questions/comments, because I swear to god, I am not above jabbing a pencil into your jugular vein.