Raoul Said to Evacuate

Okay, while reading this please keep in mind that our IT Department is outsourced to India.  Everyone in that office speaks with an extremely heavy Indian accent.   

So…I just had the following conversation with Raoul, who apparently works in our Indian IT Department. 

Me: Hi this is Claudia 

Raoul: Claudia, are you the HR Manager for your branch? 

Me: Yes, I am. 

Raoul:  Very good.  I am conducting a fire drill and you must evacuate the building immediately. 

Me:  Whaaat? 

Rauol:  This is a fire drill and you must evacuate the building immediately. 

Me:  Hold on a second.  This is a WHAT?  Who are you? 

Raoul:  This is Raoul in the IT Department and I am conducting a fire drill and you must… 

Me: Yes, I get that part; we must evacuate the building immediately.  What I don’t understand is who you are and why you’re calling me from India to tell me that you’re conducting a fire drill.  Isn’t there usually some kind of alarm? 

Raoul:  You must evacuate the building immediately.  I am conducting a fire drill. 

Me:  Raoul, if you say that one more time I’m going to fly to India and smack you.  Now, please explain to me exactly what the hell is going on because we don’t normally conduct fire drills via Trans-Atlantic phone calls. 

Raoul:  I will start the timer when we disconnect, please call me back once you’ve evacuated the building. 

Me:  Hang on a sec.  Are you telling me that if the building ever bursts into flames that you’re going to call me and tell me to evacuate? 

Raoul (who is getting VERY pissed off by now): NO!  If the building catches on fire you have to notify the authorities and then call me.  I will not know if your building catches on fire. 

Me:  Raoul, keep your pants on.  I was just kidding.  Um…so how are you going to know if we actually evacuate? 

Raoul:  Because you must call me once you have evacuated the building. 

Me: But, couldn’t I just call you and say that we’ve evacuated when really we’re just sitting in our office? 

Raoul: NO!  Absolutely not….you must evacuate the building.  I AM CONDUCTING A FIRE DRILL. 

Me:  Raoul, I think that perhaps there is a flaw in the system. 

Raoul:  Just please evacuate the building and call me once you’ve done so.   

Me:  Fuck it…I could use a cigarette anyway. Okay…everyone out of the building….Raoul said we must evacuate immediately. 

So, I round up my staff, who are all looking at me like I’m insane and we evacuate the building immediately so that Raoul’s head doesn’t explode all over Calcutta. 

We get downstairs and I call Raoul.  The first thing he asks me?  “Did you bring your fire extinguisher?”  What the hell?  Why would I bring a fire extinguisher with me?  I brought my purse…I brought my iPod…hell…I even brought my staff with me…what the hell else does Raoul want from me?!?! 

Let’s just say that Raoul was none too pleased by my response.