More Random Search Engine Craziness

Yep…it’s that time again.  Time to question/mock/be confused and a little terrified by the random search engine terms that bring people to this site.

Nikki Matievic - Either you’re stalking my sister or else you are, in fact, my sister and you’re Googleing yourself.  Either way….STOP IT.

Crazy Fire Restaurant – I’m sincerely hoping that this is not some sort of ill conceived theme restaurant like Planet Hollywood.  “Come to the Crazy Fire Restaurant…or we’ll Smoke your Ass”.

Most Random Sentence Ever- The Chupacabra is wearing orange leiderhosen.  How’s that for random?

Chinese Kid Pee- Please for the love of all that is holy tell me that this is not some kind of ancient Chinese remedy for impotence or something, because….eww.  Of course, if it is not an ancient Chinese remedy for impotence, I am beyond terrified to find out why the hell someone was searching out Chinese Kid Pee on the internet.

Chicken less Whirlwind – Well sure…because those Chicken Filled Whirlwinds are just dangerous, what with all the flying chickens and all.

Crazy Girlfriend Application- Are you applying for Project Date Todd?  He’s had enough with the crazies….the whole point of this is that he needs someone NORMAL.  Of course, if you’re completely batshit crazy, I may fix you up with him anyway just to amuse myself.

How to Steal a Wheelchair- Dude.  No…just NO.  You will totally go to hell for this.  The only reason I tried to steal that little Stephen Hawkins kid’s wheelchair is because I was SIX and a little unclear on the concept.  I thought it was some kind of a toy.  If you’re old enough to Google how to steal a wheelchair, you’re old enough to know that stealing a wheelchair is BAD.

My Dog Lifted his Leg on Me- Ummm…I’m sorry?

Puking Chinese- Considering this is the THIRD time someone has found this site by using this search criteria, I’m beginning to get a bit concerned.  Are there honestly people out there with some kind of fetish for puking Chinese people?  And here I thought people who had foot fetishes were a little odd, but you people with the fetish for Chinese puke take the award for creepy.

Larry the cable guy petsmart - I don’t even know what to say about this?  Do I honestly need some kind of disclaimer that this is not some kind of Larry the Cable Guy fansite?  This may in fact, be the FURTHEST THING EVER from a Larry the Cable Guy fansite.  I’m not even sure that dude is speaking English because I honestly cannot understand one word that comes out of his mouth. 

Why You Should Not Smoke – This week’s winner for the most common search term…no less than 7 of them.  If you honestly want to know why smoking is bad for you (and how can you not know this)….the answer is CANCER.  If you want to know how to stop smoking…I can’t help you because I need to go outside to smoke a cigarette.

Anal Sex Tips – Dude.  Go away.  Now.  There are no tips here.

Now…as an experiement to see if we can up the number of bizzare search engine terms… I bring you what is sure to provide me with much amusement next week:

Cocksucker.  Cocksucker.  Cocksucker.

Google that, perverts.