Fed the F–k Up!

Okay.  That’s It.  I am OFFICIALLY FED THE FUCK UP!!!  And since bitching at the people who happen to live in my house OTHER than me (i.e. Nick and the mother) apparently does no fucking good whatsoever, you lucky people get to feel my white, hot, seething rage.

Isn’t this going to be fun?

Here’s the thing.  Apparently, I possess superpowers.  I have the amazing ability to walk into any given room in my house, look around, notice things that need to be cleaned and then (and here’s where the superpowers come in)…I ACTUALLY CLEAN THEM.

The other two people who live in my house do not possess these abilities.  The reasons I suspect this?

Neither one of them know that the dishwasher as an “on” button that actually facilitates the cleaning of the dirty dishes.  They think the dishwasher is a magical place used to hide dirty dishes so that you don’t have to look at them. 

When the Magic Dish Hider is too full, do they run the damn thing?  Fuck no.  They fill the sink with water and dish soap and leave the dishes that can’t fit into the dish washer there until the water turns a disgusting color and starts to smell slightly funky.

Another reason?  When they come home from work or running errands or whatever, you can bet your ass that there is going to be a trail of crap leading from the door to the kitchen.  They just drop mail, water bottles, lunch bags, etc. wherever the hell they happen to fall rather than make the ten extra steps or whatever to actually put this shit away.

What I really love about that is when they bitch about the fact that they can’t find anything.  Well…if you bothered to put shit where it belongs, we wouldn’t have this problem, would we?

Max has tracked dirt into the house?  Don’t worry about getting a broom or running the damn vacuum….dirt and twigs and shit add character.  You should totally leave them where they are.

Fucked up all the cushions on the couch?  Don’t bother straightening them when you get up.  Again…this adds some much needed aesthetic touches to the “meth lab” decor that I’m trying so hard to achieve.

Spill something on the counter?  Please, whatever you do…don’t wipe the damn mess up.  I’m trying very hard to get the right crusty shit to counter ratio and cleaning up after yourself will totally fuck that up.  All that Clorex Clean Up under the sink?  Don’t use that!!!  Much like the guest towels, those are for decorative purposes only.

Yes, in the grand scheme of things, this is probably not a huge deal.  There are far more important things to worry about….like the current presidential administration, human trafficking, the existence of the Chupacabra and albino midgets.  But this is just all getting on my last damn nerve.

The thing is…I woudl love nothing more than to go on strike.  Just stop cleaning up after everyone.  However, I have a sneeking suspicion that rather than take them taking the hint, they will be content to live in their own filth.

Okay…rant over.  I’ll be back to my usual semi-amusing self later.