Random Search Engine Craziness

Okay, who the hell are you people?  Some of you are slightly alarming if judged by what you enter into various search engines in order to arrive at this site.  Some examples: 

“Really had to Pee” – If you had to pee that badly, you would just go to the nearest restroom…you would not Google the fact that you really have to pee.  You are just trying to alarm everyone.  Stop it. 

“Hillybilly Pictures” – Why on earth would you be looking for pictures of Hillybilly’s in the first place?  Please for the love of all that is holy tell me that you don’t have some kind of Hillybilly fetish.  Also, are Hillybilly’s like Hillbilly’s only more so?  Are they some kind of Uber-Hillbilly?   

 “Nascar Sucks – Go Home” – Why yes it does, and yes they should.  Seriously, the guy who changed those freeway signs in Florida to say this is still my hero. 

“Ohio + Dead Birds” – I’m sorry to say that apparently I have been neglecting current events and was completely unaware of the dead bird crisis in Ohio.  My sincere sympathies to those of you affected by the influx of thousands of dead pigeons in the Cincinnati area. 

As a side note: This search term brings to mind that fantastic episode of WKRP in Cincinnati where they drop turkeys out of the traffic helicopter and only realize that turkeys can’t fly after the fact…that was simply genius. 

“My crazy blog thing with i” – and this is why you shouldn’t be blogging with “I”.  “I” is completely unpredictable and will cause all sorts of craziness should you allow him guest privileges on your blog.  “J” however, is much more reliable and will blog on interesting topics and increase your readership.  My advise?  Get rid of “I” and start a torrid affair with “J”.   

“Puking Chinese” – And once again my sincere hopes that this has nothing to do with any sort of deviant fetish are renewed.  The question this brings to mind?  Is this person looking for pictures of Chinese people throwing up or are they looking for pictures of someone who is not Chinese puking up Chinese food?  Or possibly puking up actual small Chinese children?  I fully expect an explanation in essay form from the person who entered this search.  You will be graded on grammar, spelling and clarity of explanation. 

“Crazy Fruk” – far more dangerous that your run of the mill Crazy Fucks.  

Now, on a topic completely unrelated to random search engine terms….  Heather Mills (the future Mrs. Ex- Paul McCartney) is going to be on that “Dancing with the Stars” show.  Is anyone but me noticing the problem with this?  Doesn’t the fact that SHE ONLY HAS ONE LEG sort of preclude her from a dancing competition. 

Now, I’m all for disabled individuals perusing their dreams of stardom.  Hell…I was totally a fan of that Corkey dude.  But she has to DANCE.  And she only has ONE LEG.  How the fuck is this a good idea?